frustration

There are some days where I am just SO frustrated, and seemingly for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Today was one of those. Although, today, it was for a reason. I substitute taught today in second grade. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE teaching, and the little ones are cute and all, but they’re pretty restless and talkative, which are two things I was not used to as a special education teacher.

Today was a GREAT day until the end of the day. They stopped listening and therefore my volume slowly started to creep up. It crept up until I yelled. I had to yell at the cute, restless, chatty 2nd graders to not leave the classroom before the bell rang. While that doesn’t sound that bad, my patience continued to dwindle even after I came home.

Our routine after I work is that I pick up Baby J and we head home and play and eat and go to sleep. We got home and his behavior was not what I’m used to. He was such a stinker, or so I thought. It was tantrum after tantrum after tantrum. Non-stop. So, I kinda checked out. I tried ignoring and finally sat his cute little booty into timeout. But they kept coming, and I kept getting frustrated. I wanted to scream at my sweet little 20 month old son.

Needless to say bath time got moved up and so did bed time. We went upstairs at 6:30. Seriously? But, then something changed in me. We had fun in the bath and we were playing and splashing and making the biggest mess. Then, instead of the typical 1-2 books that we read, we read 4. Yes, 4 books. And it gets even better… then we snuggled and rocked and sang songs. It was while I was cuddling my 20 month old baby singing “How He Loves,” that I realized that this child of mine deserves my everything. He deserves all my patience, my love, all of me. He may drive me CRAZY, but he’s my baby and I’m certain that those tantrums were because he missed mama today.

Our little cuddle session also reminded me of how God has unending patience with us. I’m sure He gets frustrated with our behaviors, especially after a long day of dealing with everyone else in the world. But He still gives us His all; all of His patience, His love, and Him. I’m thankful that on days when my patience runs out that I have some grace left. I’m thankful that each day, God is turning me into the better, more patient mommy that Baby J deserves. I’m thankful that tomorrow I get another go at this whole working mommy thing. I’m thankful for the moments when I get to make messes, read more books, and snuggle with my little guy.

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